Renegades Fall Short in Sevens
Everyone Loves Sevens
This Saturday was the first round of the Bermuda 7s tournament. The shortened format of the game is generally unpopular with everyone except Healy, who only likes it because it gives him an excuse to talk about his try in Hong Kong 20 years ago. Unfortunately Healy is the fixture secretary and to make the game more unpleasant the games were played on a rock hard football pitch with makeshift rugby posts.
The excuses to get out of playing 7s were varied. Benett was walking dogs with Shiny Mikey, PK Skips was dying his hair, Delboy was smoking outside the Beach and Frank the Tank couldn't even be bothered to make up an excuse. Jonny Vagina's whereabouts were unknown. Even Healy didn't bother to turn up, as he refuses to play unless the tournament is a qualifier for Hong Kong.
Those who did turn up quickly made excuses to leave. Champagne Charlie booked his in laws on the next available flight so he would have to go and collect them from the airport and Geoffrey went for dinner with Bungle and Zippy at the Waterlot.
The apathy was clear to see on the pitch in the first game against a strong Teachers side who have been mostly brainwashed by Healy into thinking that 7s is fun. Renegades managed a couple of tries from Fiyah Marshall and Neil Templetits, but were comfortably beaten.
The Renegades started strongly against Police with a superb solo try from the barmaid at the Beach and a drop goal from Des Nash. But the Police came back with several tries, including a long range try from Clive Woodward's lanky mate Dave with a side-step that made Champagne Charlie look more like a bottle of cheap plonk. Rich Bratwurst went over for a late consolation try, but soon realized that his performance would earn himself a place in the Bermuda National 7s team. Faced with the prospect of spending a week in Mexico with Healy and playing 7s at altitude, Bratwurst decided to break his own arm and spend the rest of the day in A&E.
With 2 defeats, it was looking grim for Renegades, but they somehow found some inspiration in the final game against Mariners. It is hard to pinpoint exactly what made the difference. Maybe it was the uncharacteristic optimism from coach Barry Archiballs or maybe the introduction of 7s specialists McSaltface, Petting-Zoo and McChin. Renegades were comfortable winners with Howler scoring all 6 tries.
The win will give the team some hope as the tournament continues next week. The Renegades may still be in with a slim chance of taking their 3rd title of the season, but it will likely depend on if there any dogs that need walking or cigarettes to be smoked or if the tournament winners are somehow awarded qualification for next year's Hong Kong 7s.