Renegades sink Mariners with big haul

Following the victory against the Police last week, Renegades faced Mariners in the early kick-off game on Sunday. This was a potential banana skin for the Renegades if ever there was one - the Mariners were in a determined mood after a strong performance against the Teachers last week and their big pack should never be taken lightly.

Preparation for the game was not ideal with the Renegades front row heavily indulging in Christmas festivities in the 48 hour period prior to kick-off, shambling around Bermuda like lobotomized snowmen. Even the fly-half tried to join the Xmas cheer, accidentally dropping one the props on their head.

Despite all this the mood in the Renegades camp was confident. The rookies have all integrated into the squad well leading to competition for places, and more importantly a subs bench consisting of 6 players. This is infinitely preferable to previous seasons where the subs bench consisted of a cider sozzled 56 year old bemoaning the fact that in his day there was even a Renegades 2nd Team. (Cider stocked and provided by Goslings.)

Renegades started the game confidently with the forwards hitting it up well, when the backs lost the plot within 3 minutes, throwing a pass that couldn’t have been more telegraphed had Samuel Morse, inventor of the telegraph, sent a telegraph saying “this is a telegraph”. Needless to say the Mariners center plucked this early Christmas present from the air and went over under the posts unchallenged for a converted try.

After a brief chat under the posts about frozen puddings (mainly Viennetta and Cornetto) the Renegades kept their cool and exerted pressure on the Mariners for the remainder of the half. The Renegades played some nice attacking rugby with forwards and backs linking well. The forwards held their own against the bigger Mariners pack and the backs started to cut loose.

With the bonus point secured before half time, several team members were wondering whether the front row shouldn’t always drink heavily in the build up to games. The Mariners kicked a penalty at the death of the first half and Barry Archiballs missed most of his kicks proving he shouldn’t drink whiskey with the front row and invalids the night before a game.

Half time: 29-10.

In the second half the Renegades didn’t let up and continued to run in the tries without response. Special mention goes to PK, Healy and Jimmy Bum running in a hat-trick each.

PK scored three classical winger tries, sniffing out the try line like a young Johnny Adair sniffing out Semtex.

Healy was heard to remark that this hat-trick was his 3rd greatest achievement in life, closely following the time he was an extra in Hollywood blockbuster Philadelphia and the time he scored a try for Hong Kong in the Caribbean 7's.

Jimmy Bum was on the verge of a trademark tantrum not having scored a single try after 50 minutes of rugby, but then he upped his game by passing even less to his teammates and butchering more overlaps than a third world gynecologist, but also ensuring he made it a hat-trick of hat-tricks.

Rumor has it that Cumbers, Conor and Barry all scored a try each but who cares? Score 3 or don’t waste this match journalist’s time.

A mention should go to Mariners who never gave up and had the Renegades on their own try line for the best part of 10 minutes in the second half, with often only heroic defense preventing the men in yellow from crossing the white wash.

The final result was 72-10 which should please Captain and Coach, but both will be aware that Police will likely provide a sterner contest next Sunday as the Renegades hope to end 2016 undefeated.

Coming off the back of two draws the Ladies team strived to return to winning ways and a chance to cement their place at the top of the league. Still high on the Christmas party libations of Friday night, Cassidy's Angels rose to the occasion and pulled out a 2-0 victory over Mariners. Despite having a greater percentage of attacking play, the Mariners could not penetrate the Renegades defense and with a fumbled ball out of nowhere came Jinky Jenkins who tore through the Mariners line to run home her Try to make it 1-0. Not to be outshone by a Rookie, and after some quick hands out wide, Melissa turned on the gas and ran home another. After the game a request was made for Amy to please attend the Saturday evening Vigil Mass at St. Anthony's so she could get in her beloved Hail Mary's before the game. However Conor is yet to confirm if this would clash with his boozing schedule.
The Ladies 2nd Team then took on Police, where Elaine made a breakaway to sprint in a Try from the half way line. Police then brought on the big guns to even the stakes with Wannabe Renegade Mike Tomato equalizing the score at 1-1, but this was sadly at the high price of losing her new found friends.