Renegades Go To The Head of the Class Against Teachers

The first game of the season had finally arrived after the longest pre-season since 1939, which lasted 6 years due to the megalomaniacal tendencies of some Austrian bloke. The pre-season had seen round robin competitions of varying rugby styles including 7s, 8s, 9s, 10s and kabaddi.

On a sunny Saturday afternoon, both teams were eager to get back to no-frills 15-a-side rugby at the Southampton Rangers Thunderdome ground. With keys players from both teams unavailable due prior quidditch commitments, there was a feeling that either team could sneak a result.

The first half was a cagey affair with both teams looking a little rusty, but Renegades had the slight edge in both territory and possession.

Champagne was starting to fizz and after some good running from Brick Top and Brown Noise Renegades managed to score two tries; it could have been more were it not for the frequent errors made in the opposition 22.

PK, the Renegades best ever kicker, managed to kick over one conversion, with some mutterings that maybe he isn’t as good a kicker as he makes out.

Other highlights of the first half included a trademark shit grubber kick from Benett, which only just lead to a narrowly avoided Teachers try. But the play of the half goes to Salty for bamboozling Father Ted on his first match refereeing in Bermuda - Salty, using his years of experience watching US sports, decided to slide into a tackle on his knees like a young, well-fed Tom Brady which perplexed Father Ted and earned his team a penalty. And for those in doubt that he truly deserved Salty Appreciation Day, he made his first turnover ever by cleanly jackalling the ball.

Before the end of the first half, Teachers managed to run in a try on the wing somehow evading 6 defenders and keeping them in the game. They must have also scored a penalty at some point as the score at half time was 12-8 to the Renegades.

After and inspirational half time speech from coach Archiballs, the Renegades started the 2nd half with aplomb. Early in the second half Renegades had an attacking scrum well into Teachers territory in the middle of the park. Such is PKs reputation for being shit, nobody expected him to pick up from the base of the scrum and run 30 meters to score under the posts!

The Renegades forwards started to gain ascendency over their counterparts and managed to grind out two forward incarnated tries. The first saw the pack make a catch and drive on the five meter line with Howler ultimately taking the ball over the line. The second saw the scrum drive over from 5 meters out with No.8 Phil Heaney using statesman like control to dot the ball down.

Teachers started to lose their discipline at this point. PJ, who had regained his sight after the paintball accident, decided to suplex Benett out of a ruck, Duncan was nowhere to be seen. The two scrum halves were constantly trying to prove who was the most Norn Irish, with Father Ted frequently having to tell them to behave. In the last few minutes of the game, the Teachers wing deliberately kicked New Quiggers in the face, probably because he tried to tarmac his drive.

Renegades were awarded a penalty and after some good forward play, Des Nash, back on the pitch after his failed attempt to become Kidderminsters version Evel Kenievel, ran in the last try of the game.

PK, the Renegades best ever kicker, made 4 out of 4 conversions in the second half making a final score 40-8.