Renegades take Sting out of The Police

Hoping to continue their undefeated run, the game against Police was a potential banana skin for the Renegades. The Police had been playing some good running rugby in the last few games and Renegades were missing several players with a range of excuses:

- Mikey the Mariner, Bin Verling and Barry Archiballs were on a gentlemen’s only golf trip to Florida. Barry also took his gimp Billy with him.
- Brown Noise chipped a fingernail.
- Frank the Tank was streaking all day on a golf course.
- Gibler was wrist modelling watches in Switzerland. (Still hasn’t broken into the face modelling business yet.)
- Jimmy Bum was hunting hobbits in Mordor.
- Blair Witch still has tendon damage in his wrist from yanking too many Land Rover exhausts.
- Sausage was still suffering from the broken arm he inflicted on himself so he wouldn’t have to go on holiday with Healy.
- Ben Wontshaw was still unconscious from the ‘Mikey incident’ last weekend.
- Geoffrey had a free night in the Southampton Princess (with his purely platonic friends Zippy and George), so wanted to make sure he got his money’s worth by spending every single eligible minute there. He also has a ridiculous moustache.

The game started a tense affair with no score for the first 20 minutes. Renegades had the edge in the forwards but this was exacerbated when one of the Police props was knock out after landing awkwardly in a tackle.

The Renegades managed to notch up two tries, before Police’s England Prop Dan Cole took a quick tap penalty to score a try taking advantage whilst the Renegades forwards were busy discussing the price of fish.

It seemed like the Police were about to get back into the game when Healy took an opportunistic free kick as a result of an early jump in the lineout from the Police, crossing their line unopposed – this time the Police forwards were busy discussing the pros and cons of mince pies.

This effectively ended the Police’s resistance with Renegades scoring one more try to go in to half 24-7 up.

In the second half the scrums became uncontested as the Police ran out of front row players.

All the action was in the Police’s 22 for the majority of the 2nd half, with Renegades running in a further 5 tries.

PK only kicked 5 out of 9 conversions, perhaps as a result of missing his own team mates shouting abuse at him as he tries to kick.

With the score ending 55-7 this was a good result for a Renegades team including several youth players and guys playing their first season of rugby.

Over half the team got on the scoresheet, with tries from PK, McChin, Des Nash, Man Bun, Phil Heaney, Sam With A Tan, Champagne Charile, Del Boy and the Original Top Try Scorer.

So put out that they didn’t get on the scoreboard, Dunks and Healy continued to play on for the Mariners in the second game of the day, where they both eventually scored tries – the Mariners ended up losing 49-89 to the Teachers. It turns out both teams thought defense was something you put round your garden.