Mariners at Sea as Renegades Win
By Renegade (Web)Master
Healy plays like drunken sailor but blames Duncs
The Renegades faced Mariners this week in the late kick-off game. Renegades were quietly confident of a result against the Mariners, who had yet to win a regular game this season, but knew they couldn’t risk being complacent as Mariners are more than capable of delivering a bloody nose to anyone – literally exhibited by Renegades & Mariners legend Mikey Williams when the teams previously met before the Christmas break.
In the first half the Mariners had the greater share of attacking ball, but the Renegades defense (more or less) held firm with Del Boy and Triple-H at the center of the defensive efforts.
Healy did his best to undo the good defensive work, not least when he attempted a chip over the Mariners back line – the intention was to gather his own kick and score under the posts; the actual outcome was very different. The kick was so piss-poor that it deftly landed in the hands of the Mariner fly-half, who then went on to score under the posts without a Renegade near him.
Renegades did manage to convert their few first half scoring opportunities with Howler and Browner picking up a brace of tries each.
In an effort to hide their inadequacies PK and Champagne shared the kicking duties this week, where they managed to convert 3 out of 4 in the first half. Mariners also scored another converted try to make it 26-14 at half time.
The second half was a different affair with Renegades having almost all the possession. Mariners woes were compounded when their talisman Dustbin Archiballs, brother of Renegade coach Barry, broke his hand and had to leave the field early in the second half.
From then on it was a one sided affair with Renegades running in 7 further tries – Greg Garside managed to get over the white wash on his return to action and Salty bagged a hat-trick.
In a desperate attempt to avoid buying a case of beer, Browner deliberately face-butted a defending Mariner’s arm whilst over the try line so that a penalty try was awarded rather than completing his hat-trick.
PK managed two unremarkable tries. The man who people are starting to call the Jonah Lomu of Bermuda rugby also equaled his seasons best of making one tackle in the game.
Champagne and PK managed another 3 conversions out of 6. It became apparent that kicking duties were allocated by who was hyperventilating least from the last phase of play.
Healy continued his comedy of errors when he decided to drop-goal the remaining conversion which went wide from under the posts. In addition to this managed to get into an argument with a family member of a Renegade supporter on the side line. He also accused Duncs of being thick, a moron and generally standing in the wrong place when he passed the ball 20 meters behind him.
It was a quiet day for top try scorer Des Nash who didn’t even come close to scoring this week. Has his new diet of 350 calories on two days of the week and unlimited calories the other 5 days resulted in this dip in form? Time will tell but the Renegades didn’t seem to miss his scoring prowess with the final score 67-14.
The girls drew this week by both scoring the same number of points and coincidently conceding the exact same number of points as their opposing team. When asked for a comment coach Del Boy said “has anyone seen my lighter?”